Sunday, January 22, 2012

six going on sixteen

i had a big fight with micah on saturday.
he was so mad at me.
he kept pestering me all morning to go on a walk with him because he wanted to ride his bike. well... honestly, i didn't want to. i was on a roll with cleaning and working on some other projects. penelope and matt were sleeping. beatrix was content playing, but micah kept coming to me every 5 minutes wondering what he could do. by the time matt did wake up i had had enough. i was so frustrated i felt like i was going to pop. micah had just come to ask me what to do, AGAIN and i looked at him and walked away. he stomped off and went into his room. the next thing i knew this sign was on his door. matt suggested i go in there and just tickle him or wrestle with him or do something physical. so i did. i marched in there with a ridiculous grin on my face trying to keep it light and playful and i tickled him till he almost peed. he was so mad, but yet he was laughing. he kept trying to hit me and i would just throw him back onto the bed. (not meanly at all, just messing around) anyway, it kept escalating so finally i took him into the bathroom and threw him in the shower with his clothes on. he was so MAD! i got my first, i hate you from him and that hurt, but matt suggested i let him be. so i did. i handled it totally differently than what was my intuitive response. beatrix was beside herself trying to comfort micah. i wanted to go in and comfort him, hug him, tell him i was sorry and probably over talk the situation too, but instead i just bit my tongue and waited. matt went in and talked to him. micah yelled that i was mean and matt told him that what i did was the opposite of mean, and that i was trying to mess around with him and get him out of his funk.
and it worked.
i don't know how but it worked.

my dad and i had a similar relationship to what micah and i have.
we are both talkers.
we would try to out talk each other in emotional situations like this. i would want him to hear me and he would want me to listen to him. my mom would often times have to step in. i would get madder and madder until i could hardly take it. i mean i really felt like i was going to explode. i am sure that is how micah felt yesterday. i think matt's suggestion to not engage in causing more anger and frustration, but to try to defuse it was good advice.
that's what parenting is all about, right?
trying to figure out what is going to work for each individual child....
it is ridiculously difficult.

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