Thursday, April 22, 2010


micah- mommy, are we gonna walk to the park?
me-of course.
micah-well, maybe i can ride my bike? walking makes my feet really tired.
me-yeah that sounds fine.
micah-good, cause wheels are a lot easier to get around.

Monday, April 19, 2010

the end of soccer

this last saturday was the last day of micah's first soccer "season". it was a beautiful morning to end on. bebe still wanted to join them.
matt was feeling horrible but he didn't want to miss the last practice.
the team
and my proud little boy with his first certificate.
"mommy when we get home i really want to hang it by my bed so i can look at it whenever i lay down."

the park and dinosaur bones

we have been walking to the park by our house a couple of times a week. it was under construction for almost a year and we were all thankful when they finally completed it. last thursday micah suggested a picnic at the park and he also asked if we could bring shovels so that we could look for dinosaur bones.

micah didn't find any but he sure had fun looking.


my daughter is one of those. one of those kids that people look at and say oh, my she is so cute and so quiet and inside i am thinking to myself, and so much trouble! she refuses to sit in her highchair and we are constantly telling her to sit down at every meal. one morning last week i was in the kitchen getting something and i heard her scream. when i came back this is what i found. she was stuck and more frustrated than you can even imagine. i just laughed and calmly went to get my camera. i don't think she appreciated that. (yes, micah wears his christmas jammies even though it was 4 months ago.)

charlie and lola coma

have you heard of this show? it is called "charlie and lola" and it is about the cutest show i have ever seen. it is about a brother and his relationship with his little sister. whenever i let micah and beatrix watch it she screeches in excitement, "lala, lala, lala" than she claps her hands, laughs and grins at me with a smile that fills her face. if you get a chance to watch it, please do. it is really wonderful.

collection: the final episode

micah finished painting his shelf for his collection and last week we hung it up. when i asked him where he would like to put it he said right by his bed. i asked him if he was worried about beatrix getting into it and he said no, cause i want to put it by my top bed. here he is taking inventory of his collection as he places them on the shelf.

putting them up by his top bed....
...out of harms way from this little monster.
the final product. he was pretty proud and told me that he is going to start many collections. he asked me why daddy had so many collections and he only had one. i said it is because daddy is older and has had more time to collect things. micah thought for a minute and than he told me that he was going to start collecting many things. i asked him like what. and he replied anything that i really love.

1:00 am processing

i have found myself thinking a lot lately about micah going to kindergarten in the fall... it has been surprisingly difficult and i have already shed many tears about it. the comical thing is that he hasn't even started yet and i am already having issues with letting him go. i know that for the rest of my life i will be letting him go in one way or another. that is just what happens with kids, but yesterday something happened that really solidified the reasons as to why i am so apprehensive.

i had a really hard time in school. maybe not so much my elementary years but starting with 6th grade on i was made fun of, felt ostracized and was teased relentlessly and i have spent much of my adult life overcoming this in one way or another. i feel in many situations very much a child still, stuck in that adolesent mind set. i handle problems today much the same way that i did than. this being, stuffing. i stuff issues until i get so emotional that they burst forth from me with no control.

yesterday i took micah to a birthday party of a little boy in our neighborhood. he was turning 5. now micah really doesn't know this boy very well yet i was trying to be neighborly and go anyway. this little boy had a bounce house and all day long micah talked about how excited he was to go to this birthday party. so we went. when we arrived the parents welcomed us with hugs and hellos. micah told the birthday boy hello and they proceeded to play. well like any mother with an 18 month old i watched beatrix in the bounce house and sadly i also watched the interactions of the b-day boy with my son. micah tried again and again to play with him. it was heart wrenching in and of itself. what made it worse was the b-day boy continually blowing micah off. which culminated in him hitting micah in the face. what was i supposed to do? he was the main attraction, it was his birthday party, it was his day and yet he did something that made my son cry. i was faced with a dilemma and i reacted first by telling micah we were going home and than when he cried i told him ok, we will stay but you don't have to play with that boy. he said, "but mommy i want to play with him". i was stunned and said, "well why don't you try telling him how you feel and what that did to you". so he went up to the b-day boy in the bounce house and started to cry again, he said " really hurt my feelings when you hit me like that." the boy looked at my son and with genuine regret said, "i am sorry". than an older boy came along and they continued to ignore micah. he was devastated and i was angry.

after giving him a 5 minute warning and excusing myself from the party saying that i had to work that night and i was exhausted we left. i continued fuming....all the way home i fumed and got angrier and angrier. i was reacting on pure and raw emotion. i was 14 again.

when we walked in the door matt could instantly tell that i was upset. what happened he asked. i was too furious to even begin to know where to start. micah was still crying and i started to yell...."why do you even care about that boy? why do you want to be friends with a jerk like that little kid? you are better than that micah. you don't need those kinds of friends." i was crying and he was crying even harder. i couldn't talk anymore about it. i had to go and cool off so i left matt to sort it out with micah and i disappeared to my i sobbed like i haven't in so long. i let it all out and as the emotion poured from me so did understanding.

that little boy is 5, newly 5 in fact, yet when i saw him do that to my son i saw another's face. i saw the faces of those that hurt me. and in micah's devastation at being rejected, well, i saw myself. as an adult i could say all of the things that i wish i could have told myself at that age. that it didn't matter if everyone loves you. that people who are jerks really aren't worth being friends with and that you are better than that. that it is better to be alone than to be ridiculed. i said it all to a 4 year old, but i was really saying it to myself. i am terrified to have micah go to school in the fall. he is so sincere, and kind, and sweet and sensitive and i am afraid that someone will mock that in him, that other kids will make him feel inadequate and small and stupid.

after i had a good cry i came out of the room and sat on the kitchen floor with micah in front of me. i held his little face in my hands and kissed him. he asked me if i was crying, and i said yes. he asked me why, and i told him the truth. cause it is really hard on mommy to see people being mean to you. cause kids weren't so nice to me all of the time when i was little. we talked for awhile longer and he told me he loved me and off he ran.

i walked into the other room to talk to matt about it all, but he already knew. he knew what i was feeling and that my outburst was the result of stuffing years of hurt and anger. see i think that i am most afraid of micah going to school cause really it is going to force me to deal with all of the pent up anger i feel towards others and their ability to truly wound me. it is going to force me to see my vulnerability my deep deep desire to please everyone and have everyone like me. through my kids i will watch their hurt and i will know exactly how it feels. i should have remained calm and waited to see how micah would handle himself. how he would deal with it. that is going to be the hardest part of letting him go little by little. i know it is the right thing, but dear God it is going to be the hardest thing.

so i am starting to prepare for it. now. while i have time. while the emotions aren't nearly so high. i am letting him go little by little by little. and through it i am reclaiming me, little by little by little.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


me - "micah did you finish your sandwich?"
micah - "no mommy, it falled apart."
daddy (from the other room) - "fell apart."
micah - "falled apart."
daddy - "no micah, the correct word is fell. it fell apart. it is an irregular verb."
micah (under his breath at the dinning room table) - "falled apart."

Monday, April 5, 2010

an afternoon at the beach

feelin' cagey

yesterday after church we all came home and took naps. when we woke up i called my family who were all together at my parents house getting ready to do an egg hunt for the grandkids. when i got off the phone i was so homesick i couldn't even express it. so i looked at my own little family laying around doing nothing and i said, "come on. let's put our suits on and go to the beach". i needed to get away. i needed to get to the ocean and breath in the salty air and clear my head.
it worked. my head cleared and i watched them play and laugh and get sand in places no one should have sand.

i breathed in deeply and felt myself relaxing.
i love this little sandy leg!
and this little one who is so friendly and brave in the waves.
at first she was terrified of the water. she just hung back and watched micah for along time.
then daddy helped her get her toes wet.
and that was all it took for her to get over her fear. she ran right out into them after that.
the beach always revitalizes me...yesterday was no exception.

easter sunday

this is the scene in our pew during church. they ate goldfish and played with their Easter buckets from pastor shirley for the whole service. well, most of it.
they almost made it to the end.
the best family picture we could get.
our church has a tradition of bringing flowers to decorate the cross.
Pastor Shirley and Mr. Jim with the kids after service.
micah and i blowing up balloons at the luncheon after the service. we had an "international cafe". which meant that everyone brought something from somewhere else in the world. i brought Scottish shortbread with a south florida twist, lime.

the kids from the korean church that meets after our service. Micah has befriended several of them. it is a beautiful thing to see.

"for my collection"

i found this shelf at a thrift store for 5 dollars. micah has really been wanting a shelf to put his dinosaur collection on. so we found some old paint in the garage, an old shirt of matt's and alot of mommy patience and he started painting it saturday afternoon. ( i helped a bit, but for the most part he really wanted to do it.)

easter egg hunt

this is his bucket of spoil...2 eggs and some bubbles. it was kind of tough as a mommy to encourage him that two eggs were great. i told him he could have whatever was in beatrix's eggs.
she would never know.
there were fruit snacks in one of the eggs, which made him very happy.
matt took bea to another part of the park where they had a separate hunt for two year old's and under. he said she did it all by herself and just walked around picking up eggs. matt told me that she did see one sad little girl and so she put an egg into her bucket for her.
what could be in this one?

preperation for the easter egg hunt

on the way to the egg hunt on Saturday

Thursday, April 1, 2010

the happiness of balloons

just a sample of some of the fun that these brought along with beatrix's pterodactyl screeching and micah's enthusiastic energy!


last night at work, we had a birthday party for some wealthy, extremely old guy from the island. he turned 88. right before we brought the cake out, hundreds of balloons dropped onto his table. we immediately had to clean them up cause his wife HATES balloons! the balloons were ordered by his daughter-in-law. some big deal, i guess. (my eyes are rolling) anyway, there were bags and bags of balloons at work so i brought some of them home for the kids to play with.
Thank you jimmy for turning 88 years old last night.
your birthday made my kids happy!

i love the way the morning sunlight hit the balloons...
...and my beautiful little girl.
"mama, look! it's my dinosaur egg!"
"can you see me?"

micah took these last two pictures and was very proud.
it really is the little things in life isn't it?
these balloons brought an hour of pure bliss to my babies this morning.