Wednesday, March 24, 2010

fly away free

my friend flew away today. we packed her in the dark last night. we loaded cars in silence, stacking boxes, squeezing hands as we passed one another. her life in bags and boxes. she has a son and her boyfriend has been cheating on both of them. it has been a slow painful death to watch. as a friend, one can only do so much. you witness certain actions, than you tell yourself i would never stand for that, but would i? would i be so quick to give it up? to admit something i have put so much effort into is really over?
her sister finally came down to rescue her. to give her support for the move. to tell her that it and he really weren't going to change. that she was worth not settling for this kind of life. that there is still hope for her and her young son. she sat in my house last night looking defeated and full of sorrow. i held her hand, rubbed her head, we both sighed. she looked around my house and said, "this is all i have ever wanted". i said, "what do you mean?" "this, lydia, this family life, your home, your husband, your kids..." i looked around the house trying to see what it was she was seeing. "you know, it has taken me 13 years and alot of hard work to get to what you are seeing right now. we still have our moments of fights and arguements. and i went to counseling several times in our marriage." "really?" she asked in surprise. "yes" i admitted, "one of those times being the year after i got married." i could tell she was thinking about what i had just told her. i wanted her to know that i wasn't leading a life of perfection, that it wasn't what it appeared to be at that quiet and clean moment. we all go through tough things. hers was last night.
we packed her up last the dark she gave me her plants. she nurtured these and loved them. they were a true gift. i told her every time i watered them i would think of her and send prayers her way. she stole away in the night, without him knowing. she was gone before he got home from work. she felt bad for him until the moment she flew away today. i know because she told me.
i pray that like these new little sprouts of green she will have a second chance at love. that she will learn to really love herself and not see her worth entirely through someone else eyes and that she will grow. away from the weeds and filth and pollution that was their relationship. it polluted her soul and made her feel like nothing. nothing.
i packed my friend up in the dark last night.
i hope she can fly away free.

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