this is how i will always remember matt's grandma, lawna scott harrison. enjoying christmas and with a little point and shoot or disposable camera in her hands. she loved christmas which is probably how matt comes by it so honestly.
the night before halloween matt got a call from his dad that grandma had gone into the hospital to check out some pain. while she was there she had major bleeding, then her heart stopped and they had to do CPR, which broke a couple of ribs, which then triggered her lung filling with fluid and she just went downhill from there. she had a couple of hope full days where everyone thought she might pull through. then on veteran's day matt got another call that she may not make it through the night. matt and i talked about it and he got in the car and drove right to orlando to say goodbye. it was a hard weekend for him. full of memories. full of wishes of more time spent with this lovely lady who laughed a lot and was ALWAYS witnessing to someone. seriously, she had a supply of tracts in her purse. it worked for her though. people responded to her kindness and sincerity.
last night around 8, we got that call. the one that we had been expecting since they moved her to hospice the day before, but still it was hard to get. i knew from matt's tone while he was talking to his dad that it had happened. it takes awhile for things like this to really hit me and this morning it did. i lay awake in bed thinking about being married to matt for over 60 years and what it would be like to wake up that first morning after knowing that i wouldn't see him again on earth. i wouldn't smell him or touch him or walk past him. i wouldn't kiss him or cook for him, remind him to take his pills, or get mad at him for being a nasty old man. those are the thoughts i had this morning. i thought of grandpa, alone and what that must feel like. grandma was finally at peace, but grandpa...i don't think that man has ever been alone.
and then my mind turned to heaven. what must grandma have woken up to this morning? did she wake up to her mother, her father, the sister she never met who passed before her? did my grandpa saunter over to her and ask how we all were and to make the connection that they did indeed have a connection? did finn...did finn run to her? did he ask her how we were? did he grab her by the hand and say, "i can't wait to show you around! grandpa and i have this place figured out." did she laugh and skip and take deep breaths of clean and crisp air. did she breathe deeply and fill her lungs? lungs that had been so heavy for a month with liquid. did she sing? did she join the chorus?
i don't know what i think about heaven totally. i don't know if it is a place, or a state of "mind" or something that we tell ourselves we go to before Jesus comes back and creates a new heaven and a new earth. i am not a scholar of heaven. what i do know is that God promises no more tears after we die, and that to be absent from this body, this body that decays and breaks, is to be present with Him. i don't know the rest.
i do know that matt's grandma passed away 8 years almost to the day that my grandpa passed away. 8 years he has been gone. i can still hear his voice and feel his hug with his rough facial hair as he asks, "how's my girl?" it is great and powerful and awesome to think that someday i will hear that again. i will see grandma smile, maybe offer me something delicious or tell me about all the beauty there is to see. someday, i have to believe that we will be reunited. i have to believe this because the missing, well the missing is just too much to take without hope. hope that we will indeed see each other again.
goodbye for now grandma harrison. you have left a legacy that has traveled down to your sons and through them to your grandchildren and even unto your great grandchildren. you lived a life of joy and blessing others with your life. you served and loved your husband faithfully for 67 years. you reveled in your family, enjoying every picture that was sent to you and peppering your house with their images. you decorated for christmas and made cookies every year. you loved and were loved and we will miss your presence here.
we will miss.
rest in sweet sweet peace.