He said, "Just one Mommy".
"What was the dream pooh?"
"Well," he started, "I was laying in bed with you and Daddy and Beatrix and we were all snuggling. Then I started to get all smooshed up."
"All smooshed up? What do you mean?" I asked him.
"Like this Mommy", and he scrunched up his face and made his body into a little ball. "I was getting crushed and Beatrix was just looking at me. It made me kind of sad."
I was stunned and didn't know what to say. So, I just gave him a big hug. What I really wanted to do was cry. I couldn't believe the clarity of his dream and not only that I wondered if it truly was a window into his little world ??? Was he feeling smooshed out of our family? Did he feel like he was being replaced? I have been thinking about this short exchange all day today.
I have asked Micah before if he remembers our family before Beatrix came and he always looks at me confused and says, "What do you mean Mommy?" I know that mentally he doesn't remember life without Bea, but I am pretty sure that he does remember emotionally or even bodily what it was like when it was just us...
I don't want to be guilty of over thinking this subject, but I do think that it deserves some special thought. Perhaps I need to take a long look at how I am Mommy-ing him right now. Do I need to readjust my methods? Is this only natural? Should I be more intentional about setting aside special times for just the two of us?
Sometime last week I found myself really looking at Micah and thinking two thoughts. Number one - He is getting so big so fast. Number two - I remember thinking that I hadn't really seen Micah in six months. I felt like I had looked at him, but that I hadn't really seen him. Hmmm....something to think about at least. I am not feeling guilty or anything cause Beatrix has needed me, but I do think that there is something profound about this little one's dream last night. Don't you think it would be doing him a dis-service to not take it seriously?
Micah at 16 months