Friday, July 8, 2011

waiting and the back and forth

i turned 35 this year.
how did i get here? not only am i 35...
i'm 35 and pregnant.
pregnant with my 4th baby. i have to admit this one threw me for a loop. i wasn't expecting it at all. in fact i was nice and content with two little ones. i had started planning out the next few years until beatrix would be in school. i would start taking a night class a semester to start preparing myself for entry back into the full time regime. it was starting to look up. i was starting to see the silver lining of when we would have more money. and then,
on april 1st,
yes april fool's day and i do see the irony in it all,
i realized it had been awhile since my last period. i bought a test. and then decided not to take it, but like a fool i mentioned that i had bought it to matt and of course he insisted i take it right away. so we marched into the bathroom...and waited.
we didn't have to wait long.
the line appeared quickly and my confidence in my well planned out future started crumbling. after sitting in silence for sometime, matt looked at me and said well, here we go again. i burst into tears and didn't stop crying for a week.
now that it has sunk in and i am almost half way through this bonus baby pregnancy, we have re-evaluated our plans. we started intensely house hunting. we hadn't done that before and wouldn't have without the motivation that our bonus baby is bringing us. we put an offer in and waited.
it came back.
we countered and waited.
it came back.
we countered again and waited.
it came back.
and we signed.
we signed.
we signed!
we got an inspection. i grew more around my middle.
we found a lender. i made it through nausea.
we ordered an appraisal. i started craving lemonade and mashed potatoes.
we passed the underwriting. i needed bigger pants.
we are getting a home! and we are having a bonus baby.
these two things are intertwined in so many ways. and because they are this little lady is being stretched both physically and emotionally. i am crabby and happy, scared and excited, nervous and cautious, and growing and growing.
waiting and back and forth.
lessons that someone up above obviously wants me to learn.

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