saturday reprieve

last saturday evening matt and the kids washed the car. and while i watched from a chair on our front porch, i held this little one, who can't seem to get enough of her hands lately.

saturday morning was filled with the final evaluation report from the speech pathologist that did all of the testing on beatrix. matt and i were blessed with a friend who watched bea and micah so we could go by ourselves and not worry about talking about it in front of beebs. we are trying to be super sensitive.
it was a tough morning.
a morning to confirm what we already knew which was that she needs some help. matt was able to ask questions and listen to their explanation first hand which was a blessing for me so i didn't have to keep giving him second hand information.
we cried a bit...well, i cried a bit.
off and on. a few times.
it's been tough for me and i feel like i don't really have any where to put all of my feelings.
so i write.
here.
in this space that i created 4 years ago as an avenue to keep in touch with family far away. it has become much more than that to me. it's become a place to tell our stories. everyday stories. stories that at the time i don't really see the point of sometimes, but they are our stories none-the-less.
we were told that we could enroll her in school 4 days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day. thankfully the school has turned out to be between our house and matt's school. which i am beyond thankful for. initially we thought the school would be 45 minutes from our house so we were ecstatic to hear that it was so close. we also have a meeting scheduled with rhonda, a private speech pathologist for beatrix. she will work with her once a week and help us better know what her IEP's should be for school. more than that even, is the fact that so many people have sent us gifts. gifts in the form of money with specific directions to use the money for beatrix's appointments with rhonda. we have set up an account just for that sole purpose.
God is so good to us.
He provides for us every time. it is humbling and each time it happens matt and i have to ask forgiveness for doubting that He sees us and knows exactly what our little family needs.
i have taken to writing these things down on our bathroom walls.
when we moved in to this house our master bathroom had nasty blue wall paper which i promptly ripped down. and enjoyed every minute of it i might add, i love demolition. in its place we were left with plain white walls. so i began writing verses of songs, or verses from the bible or passages from favorite books, or even tracing the kids hands to freeze the size of their little bodies in my mind. matt loved that i started up something we had done in one of the houses he lived in when we were dating and he began adding to our reminder walls too. someday, when we have the money to "redo" our bathroom we may find it will be too hard to cover over these mementos.
so saturday night, while the kids were helping matt wash our car, in our driveway of our new home, i sat in a chair and took some pictures, and some video.

and we had a reprieve from a very very hard morning.