A Dream

This morning Micah came into my room as usual after he woke up. We were snuggling and I asked him if he had had a good sleep. He told me that he had. I then asked him if he had had any dreams.

He said, "Just one Mommy".

"What was the dream pooh?"

"Well," he started, "I was laying in bed with you and Daddy and Beatrix and we were all snuggling. Then I started to get all smooshed up."

"All smooshed up? What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Like this Mommy", and he scrunched up his face and made his body into a little ball. "I was getting crushed and Beatrix was just looking at me. It made me kind of sad."

I was stunned and didn't know what to say. So, I just gave him a big hug. What I really wanted to do was cry. I couldn't believe the clarity of his dream and not only that I wondered if it truly was a window into his little world ??? Was he feeling smooshed out of our family? Did he feel like he was being replaced? I have been thinking about this short exchange all day today.

I have asked Micah before if he remembers our family before Beatrix came and he always looks at me confused and says, "What do you mean Mommy?" I know that mentally he doesn't remember life without Bea, but I am pretty sure that he does remember emotionally or even bodily what it was like when it was just us...

I don't want to be guilty of over thinking this subject, but I do think that it deserves some special thought. Perhaps I need to take a long look at how I am Mommy-ing him right now. Do I need to readjust my methods? Is this only natural? Should I be more intentional about setting aside special times for just the two of us?

Sometime last week I found myself really looking at Micah and thinking two thoughts. Number one - He is getting so big so fast. Number two - I remember thinking that I hadn't really seen Micah in six months. I felt like I had looked at him, but that I hadn't really seen him. Hmmm....something to think about at least. I am not feeling guilty or anything cause Beatrix has needed me, but I do think that there is something profound about this little one's dream last night. Don't you think it would be doing him a dis-service to not take it seriously?

Micah at 16 months