thirty.six.

i woke up on my birthday to the sound of a camera clicking. i opened my eyes and saw matt standing there. i    whispered, "what are you doing?" and he whispered back, "you both looked so snuggly and cute laying there together i had to take a picture." he took another one and whispered again, "why is it all blurry". i closed my eyes and tried to enjoy a few more minutes before the craziness of the day began. 

a few minutes later i got up and started breakfast for micah and matt who were leaving for their first day at camp. 

after they left and it was just the girls and i, beatrix and i talked about birthdays and how it was my birthday. bea ran into her room and came out carrying her two birthday hats she had saved from her birthday months before. 

i look ridiculous, but i don't even care. it was a special moment. 

later as i was sitting in the chair nursing penelope and talking to my dad who had called to wish me a happy birthday, beatrix came and stood next to me. she looked at me really strangely and then she grabbed her pony tail and turned around. i gasped loudly! she had cut her hair. i quickly hung up with my dad and put pips down on the floor and said, "no! beatrix what did you do?!" she dissolved into tears. i tried to reel myself in a little bit and gain some control of my emotions. i asked her to take me to the pile of hair. 

and there it was a pile of her hair...her wispy baby hairs. i wanted to bawl. like, a good ole ugly cry! but i didn't. i knew she was watching me. so instead i picked up the pile of hair, realistically assessed the situation,  she had cut off 4 inches or so very unevenly, which really wasn't that bad in the grand scheme of things, and i proceeded to even it out. i thought to myself that i was thankful her hair had been in a pony tail, i could only image the damage she would have done if it hadn't have been. 

 as i trimmed i asked myself in my head why i was really so sad about it. rationally i knew it was just hair, but irrationally it was the last remaining tie to baby beatrix. 

after i was finished and beatrix was standing there smiling at me i knew that here in front of me was a big girl. 

i knew it would become a story that would get told again and again. 

she cut her baby wisps off the day i turned 36.