first pigtails

turning 37

 the year i turned 27 was a tough one for me....
that was the year matt and i talked and prayed and decided to start having a family. 

i was feeling old. 27 seemed so close to 30. sigh. 

this year i turned 37 and i found myself having similar feelings. 

37 seems so close to 40. 

and right now i am in the throes of raising kids...kids who need something from me all. day. long. 

a baby who poops in the tub, a baby who screams at me when she wants something because she has no words, a son who is constantly wanting from me. more from me. always more. and a daughter who wants adventure and something to look forward to daily. i cook meals, i wash laundry, i read stories, i clean up, constantly bending over and picking up. i try to do these things with a smile but lately it has been getting to me. 

i was starting to feel lost. 

and there is always the feeling around the middle of may that july 7th is looming. 

finn's birthday is coming. my body remembers and a kind of slump starts to happen in my heart. 

so when matt asked me what i wanted for my birthday i knew right away what i wanted. something that had been brewing inside of me for over a year. i wanted to make sure i really wanted it though before i got it. 

and so when he asked me i said with confidence "i want a new tattoo." 

so we made the appointment and got a sitter for the kids one evening and we were able to go together. 

jay has done several of matt's best tattoos and i knew that i wanted him to do mine. 

it turned out just the way i had hoped. and i love it. 

i loved doing something for me. 

i felt clearer and more inspired and most importantly i love that my whole family is on my body. 

i love that. i really truly do. 

the first two birds are matt and i, the third one is finn, flying towards heaven with wings outstretched...perfect...the last three are my babies soaring after us. each unique in the way they are flying. 

it hurt. inside and out. 

it was a test of will sitting there letting someone scratch ink into your skin, but it's a strange kind of good pain. 

a pain that let's you think about what you are doing and why and what this all means. 

i liked sitting there thinking about the days in the future when the birds look like little brown blobs and my grandchildren climb up onto my lap as i am about to read them a story and they say to me, "nan, what are those?" 

and i can tell them..."baby, that is my family. your family. let me tell you our story." 

family time at the zoo

last week we had some fun family time at the zoo. what a blessing a zoo membership is!! thanks mom and dad ;) it is the perfect place to kill a few hours in the morning walking around looking at animals, packing some snacks and drinks and ending with a run in the water fountains. so that's what we did. micah brought his backpack with supplies so he could make observations about the animals and their habitats. {his words} this kid. it seems micah is the most himself when he is writing about animals. we had to stop at the otters because they are bea's absolute favorites and then micah needed a minute to write some things down so he wouldn't forget. the mosquitos were eating me alive though so he didn't get to write as much as he would have liked. 

 i only took my point and shoot camera on this day and i can really tell the difference in the picture quality. 

oh well, they may be blurry but they sure are cute!

 micah needed to write more observations while we looked at the macaws. 

  we rounded a corner and came upon this gorgeous peacock. they walk around the zoo wild! beatrix was enamored and so i asked her to stand next to it so i could get a picture. {notice her socks! haha}

 micah sneakily touching his feathers.

 got one of us. 

i love this man. 

blurry love.

  and i did something i want to do more of.
hand my camera to strangers and ask them to take our picture as a family. 

i want the kids to remember what i looked like with them. 

 it was a hot sticky fun morning. 

we love the zoo!

13 years

 micah woke up yesterday with the flu...he threw up all day long and into the night. as i lay in bed last night, matt reading a book, i couldn't believe that this is what life looks like right now. it's taking care of little kids who are sick. little kids that we have made together. 

you know, i really can believe that it's been 13 years...because a lot has happened in 13 years....3 degrees, an international move, 4 babies, multiple job changes, 11 moves total, a house bought, late nights laughing, and late nights fighting it out, sick kids, silly kids, quiet dinners and loud dinners, irritations, and wicked joy....the baby i was in these pictures had no idea what kind of a ride i was in for...but i'm so thankful she didn't walk away. i wouldn't be the person i am today if i would have. 

happy anniversary to us...13 years committed to one another. 

we are best friends, each others biggest fan, a reminder to never stand still. 

i am so thankful. so very thankful that i walked down that very long grassy isle into your loving hands. God sure knew what he was doing when he put this crazy pair together.